Showing your reader instead of simply telling your reader can make all the difference in a written piece. When authors "show", they paint a picture in the reader's mind that is so vivid the reader can imagine themselves in the story. The traits of idea development, word choice, and voice are carefully woven together to create this image. As you read over the next few weeks, try to find good examples of showing (either a published author you're reading, or from your own writing). Add these to this blog post. Be sure to include the author and text title. In the meantime, here is a short video that illustrates how important word choice is...enjoy!
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I.R.W
ReplyDeleteB3
I am working on showing instead of telling. I wrote this as a part of my personal narative and I want your opinion about it.
Tomorrow comes and on the way to the hospital my palms are as sweaty as a man’s who has been working all day. We pull to a stop and I hop out of the car wishing that the scooter would be torn to pieces. I saunter to the automatic doors and sit in the waiting room as Aunt Kat took a number from the lady.
After what seemed like years, they called our number to go back to the place where they ask who we are. As the adults talk I look at what was around me. The wall paper had danty little flowers and her mouse pad had a similar flower on it. The lady was pregnant and looked like the baby was almost due. After the adults were talking, the lady asked me if I wanted to keep a blanket.I asked, “ Why do you give blankets.”
“They give them to children 3 to 12.”, she replied.
“Thank you.” I call after her as we leave the room.
Nicely written IW...I can tell you are working on word choice! I know that hospitals work incredibly slow sometimes, so I could relate to this part of your piece. Have you thought of putting in some thoughtshots so the reader knows what you're thinking? Perhaps being more detailed about some things you mentioned in general... like what number did your aunt pull...maybe a few deatils about the waiting room - or sensory images (what sounds did you hear, what did it "feel" like...were there any other patients waiting? Thank you for sharing your writing - I see a great improvement and I love that you are willing to take risks!
ReplyDeleteHappy Writing!